| ~*Bits Of Info On Jillian:)~ | ||||||||||||||||||
| ~*About Me*~ | ~*My thoughts & Poems*~ | |||||||||||||||||
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Heres a bit of background on me... if ya have the time to read it, please do:) I was born on A beautiful day in the spring of 1983, April 8th to be exact. I was given the name Jillian Amanda... From the ages 1-2 I was just learning how to walk, talk and do all that good stuff which every child does at that point in their lives. Of course i dont remember much, but i do know that at the age of 2 I met the person who till this day sticks with me through all lifes ups and downs, Nicole Marie... Ages 3-4 I have been told that my favorite hobby was exploring EVERYTHING (which i dont doubt)From the tupperware in my mothers kitchen drawers, to dirt and mudd in the back yard. My baby brother Kyle was born into my life when i was three, i loved em to death and always wanted to be around my new brother..:) I attended pre-school at a little center down the street, along with my buddy nicole. I remember all the little crafts we made, the halloween partys we had & all the tears i cried because i had to be away from my mommie..lol( Ages 5-6 are years i remember more distinctly then the years before. I could go on forever about Nicole and I but ill just skip to my favorite parts... We had our first experience with cutting hair, breaking our umbrellas..lol, getting yelled at for crossing the street and breaking my basement window, which we got grounded for several times. At the age of 5 i started kindergarden , I remember being so scared my first day, but after a few papercuts, paint on my clothes and discovering boys..(i think i was the only one at that time that didnt think boys had cooties..he he) I adapted pretty well. Ages 7-8 were all about barbies and little kiddy games (which at the time i thought was so cool) I was really into dancing (i had been dancing since i was 2) and used to put on dancing recitals for the people in the neighborhood for a littl e extra candy cash...Oh yea and i cant forget the "fairs" we used to put on also..lol Ages 9-10 were a turing point in my life, yes Jill was growing up I was soo happy i was finally in 4th grade and i was one of the "big kids" in school. But the next year came along i was to enter "The Middle School"..and yeah it was scary to me because i knew that i wouldn't be a "big kid" anymore. I would just be yet another little fifth grader... Ages 11-12 was when i started trying to impress the boys..it was all about experimenting with makeup, dressing "cool" and staying away from the dorks in school. God forbid if you talk to a "Dork" it was a sin when you were in 7th grade! Ages 13-14 I started to change alot, i started dating and had my first kiss..and "real" boyfriend. At 14 i was now in "High School" and my life was taking a turn in the wrong direction. I had drifted away from Nicole, never stopped to realize what i was slowly throwing away...a great friendship. I started hanging out with the wrong type of people, got in trouble for sneaking out of the house and going to many different kinds of parties with people who i thought were my friends. It was at those parties i had my first hit of weed,and got drunk. Of course my parents found out, ohh man they were blowing fire outta their ears..lol it was inevitable that they would find out and i knew this...from that moment on all my real friends parents knew me as the "bad" one, known for doing stupid krazy shit...I knew i had to change. Ages 15-16 were sad, happy, exciting, confusing all in one. I had started to get away from my "Thug" stage and rekindled my frienships. I had been offered a 5yr recording contract with a new record company in nyc. I went down to audition as they had wanted me to, so they could make their final decision. They were so impressed with my singing that they signed me on the spot. I thought to myself, that this couldn't be true, but it was. In the mean time I had met another guy who i thought was extradinary, but i learned with time that he was nothing but manipulative, possesive, emotionally disturbed and insecure. To the world he appeared to be this great guy who loved his girlfriend, but on the inside he was all i listed above.. He had made me stop talking to the majority of my friends and took over my life and the way i thought. He messed my emotions up really good...So i left him... I went to counseling which helped quite a bit and I started working to get my mind off things,.. but it did nothing but add more stress to my life.. While all this was going on My parents were in the Midst of getting a divorce within 5 months my dad was here and gone, it was a drastic change and still hurts me to this day.. And here I am today on November 1,2000 feeling pretty damn good...lol Im living with my mother cheryl and my brother kyle in cheektowaga ny. As for the recording contract its no longer exsitant due to the death of the corporate owner:( but ill always remember what i had:)I choose not to communicate often with my father simply because he could careless about me or whats happening in my life. Im a Senior at Depew High School and will go on to College to study either Psychology or Law and minor in dance. I work two jobs, McD's and supercuts. I also model wedding dresses on some weekends:) I cant predict what is going to happen in my future but i know that whatever comes along im going to make it fun, because i've learned that One minute you may have the whole world at you'r fingertips but yet in that same minute it could all be left drifting in the wind. Leaving you in wonder of where it has gone. . --Jillian "All my life I have searched for clues, this is what they taught me. Every mystery I pursued, was a secret I already knew. Every stone that I left unturned, soon came back to haunt me. Every fall, every finger burned, was a step on the road to the truth" |
From a world of dreams...I have been thrown into the world of realities, of everyday life, trying to make sense of our society's behavior, its choices and its fragility.... As i have come to realize, people today aren't a first rate version of themselves. Their a second rate version of someone their not meant to be. Some people will not admit to it, and wear a million masks to ensure that their real nature does not transpire....But, in the end what does it matter??? Although by different means, they too are running towards the same goal, the same dream. While in the process of hiding who we really are, we loose freedom, not by technical means but freedom of the mind to think for itself and freedom of the soul to diverge into whatever YOUR heart desires. The freedom we loose cannot be re-conqured cheaply, but however high, its a price worth paying. If you look hard enough, at the end of the day you will find that..everything we need already exists, but we do not see it, blinded by stress, never-ending routines and the destructive materialism that characterises our life towards the end of our existence... -Jillian ~*Footprints in the sand*~ Written by Jillian " Footprints In The Sand " Year after year, always traveled these lonely roads, to the place I drift away, put the restless world on hold. Passing by the ocean, I take a look at whats behind, traces of the past days, in another place and time. Watching the slow sunset, I feel the water touch my feet, on the horizon I see you'r face, without you I just don't feel complete. Smelling the sweet air, while i'm holding my body tight, the summers breeze runs through my hair, as I gaze at the starlight. Drifting into memories, I see our footprints in the sand, just an image of the past, when we walked together hand in hand. The waves I hear in the distance, crashing waters of desire, when i close my eyes, I hear you'r voice, how you set my wolrd on fire. There's nothing I can do now, you'r heart has broken free, just like our footprints in the sand, washed away eternally...... ~*Jillian Amanda*~ May 8th 1999' ~*The Girl I Used To Be*~ Written By Jillian "The Girl I Used To Be" In A lonely daze, Trying to escape reality. Visions obscured, Visions of the girl I used to be. All around distant laughter, Where did the days go? Hope , Wanting, Wishing... Wishing I could know. As I look in the mirror, I look only to see, The presence of A women, Stareing deep into the eyes, Of the girl I used to be. Jillian Steinel September 17th 1998' ~*LITTLE GIRL*~ WRITTEN BY JILLIAN "Little Girl" Little girl, whats wrong? I don't like to see you cry, Wipe away those tears, Im here for you, I can feel you'r pain inside. Take my hand , Run away with me, And everything will be alright, Don't be scared, Im here, Eventhough Im not in sight. Little girl, I love you, More than anyone ever will, You'r life is a beautiful mountain, You've just started you'r first hill. Little girl, Don't grow so fast, Don't let life pass you by, I'll be here with you always, Babydoll please don't cry. Little girl, Don't let go, I can feel you slipping away, Babygirl hold on tight, There's always going to be another day. Little girl, what happened? When I opened my eyes you were gone, I never got to say a last "I love you", Goodbye dollface, So long. Little girl, Where did you go? I'm reaching out for you, Can't you see? Of all this time i've been searching for you little girl, I didn't realize I was searching for me. ~*Jillian Amanda Steinel*~ 1999! These are 3 of my favorite poems i have written. i have about 70 more, if ya wanna see some email me:) Favorite Links | |||||||||||||||||
| ~*Shout Outs*~ | ||||||||||||||||||
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This page is dedicated to all of the people who made me the person i am today.... TO MY MOTHER- You never failed to understand my tears when i cried, my happiness when i smiled or my never ending love for you. No matter where you are or what you're doing, you'll always be held closest to my heart. I love you Mommie! TO BRYAN(MY MOTHERS BOYFRIEND)- Thank you for being a father that you didnt have to be. You and Matthew mean so much to me. TO MY BROTHER KYLE- Yeah i know you can kick my ass if we get into a fight, but hey you're still my little brother ha ha..love you! TO MY BEST FRIEND NICOLE- Whether i was laughing or crying, you were always right there laughing or crying with me. Thank you for being the best friend ill ever have. I love ya girl, no matter what we get ourselves into. Ps. you and Ron are in it for a long time..:) "So whens the wedding.???" TO MIRANDA- Ohh we gotten ourselves into a lot of messes..Hint: ba ba ba da da da dum..hey but at least we survived. We'll always be the Krazzzzyyy ones..B-I-T-C-H-E-S 100% BABY. Ohh yeah i forgot to mention AMAS.!!! Love you:) Ps. you and Marc are meant to be together, you two are just way to cute.... TO MATT- Your the most down to earth guy i know, not to mention the sweetest too. Im soo happy to be ur girl. ~*Smiles*~ TO MY BIG CUZ ADAM- Hope your having fun in the Navy. You know i miss ya. Don't do anything i wouldn't do...lol love ya SHOUT OUTS: Maris - 420!!!..LOL, Sara,Kyle- I'll never 4get Windows 96....Bye the way no more bizzy, Ron..u really do look like a white Nelly:), Michele , Johnny P, Mike (Boj),Bobby, Chris (ur a krayzzie "Abercrombie Hott Boy"...lol) & Miguel- having fun in Rochester???. 2 ne one i 4got..I LOVE YA!!! | ||||||||||||||||||
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